Picture the scene. It’s Sunday night, just after the evening service. Time to head to the pub for a pint or two of orange juice with the boys.
But now it’s 11pm, the drinking establishments are closing their doors, and the call to fast food is stronger even than Rev. Gerald’s call to the ministry. What to do? Where, as the hands of time fast approach the midnight hour, can a ravenous clergy person or worshipper get a taste of the food to which he (or she) is accustomed?
Panic hits as the stomach grumbles. Will it be the moral-crushing, cholesterol-pumping, ozone-depleting, rainforest-guzzling, nutrition-free delights of a traditional takeaway? Or is there something else? Something … nicer?
The answer is…
Quiches to suit all tastes at all hours, made to order in just three minutes.
It’s as Biblical as it is sensible. For doth the word not say, “Eat it in haste” (Exodus 12:11b) ? Oh yes it does.
Check out our fabulous range of flavours:
- Try our classic high quiche with a free whisky; we call it Bells’n'Smells.
- The Whinging Israelite – an exotic blend of cucumbers, melons, leeks, onion and garlic to help you remember better days. Special Offer – for the next 40 days only, order a Whinging Israelite (any size) and get a Large Quail Supreme absolutely free! See Numbers 11.
- Feeding of the 5000 – the world’s largest quiche, suitable for a whole congregation
Served with five garlic loaves and two fishcakes. - Sponsored by Weight Watchers, the Garden of Eden Quiche worth only three sins
- And many, many more…
Are you raven hungry like Elijah? Stop by and enjoy a blessed takeaway with us!
You’ve tried the quiche – now get the meal
Fries are out, salads are in. There’s pasta salad, rice salad and potato salad. There are scotch eggs and sausages on sticks. Waldorf salad and coleslaw. For is it not true that man doth not live on quiche alone? (Yes. Deuteronomy 8:3. OK, so it refers to bread, actually, but the message rings equally true in our modern context.)
And for dessert…
Come in and see our incredible range of trifles, chocolate cream cakes, bread and butter puddings, gateaux, cherry-topped fairy cakes, crisps, jellies and biscuits, starting from just 39p.
Beverages available to accompany your quiche experience:
Classic English tea strong enough for a six-services-a-day Bishop or flowing with more milk and honey than the Promised Land.What? Runneth your cup not over? We can arrange that too. Super-spiritualise it from just 30p. All part of the service. Oh, did we mention services? Never mind.
Herbal tea, Rooibos tea and Chinese green tea. Fair trade tea. Camomile tea, lavender tea, daffodil tea, watermelon tea and beetroot tea. Praise God for diversity!
And yes, for the children, three hundred flavours … of squash.
Take the Quiche to the Streets
Eat in, take away or delivered to your door. Order a quiche for a non-Christian friend and we’ll deliver it with a free Alpha Course invitation and copy of Nicky Gumbel … er, Mark’s Gospel. The perfect evangelistic idea for feeding both body and soul.
Special introductory offer for a limited time: show your Alpha Course entry pass and get a half price tea or coffee with every quiche purchased.
They know we’re right
Just listen to the rave reviews from our pilot project in Littlehampton-by-the-Water:
“Oooh, doesn’t it look like a fantastic idea, Ethel”, said one.
“I knew they’d come up with a way to make good food sexy sooner or later”, said another.
“The new curate will be pleased”, murmured a third.
The whole town was raving about Quapiche. It’s time to hit the city.
Dramatic sales finale
If only Elijah could see us now! Forget the parish garden, brothers and sisters – let’s take the shared lunch to the masses. Lord, we lift your quiche on high! I could sing of your quiche forever!
It’s the new takeaway in town. It’s fast food … for the discerning Anglican. That’s – Quapiche.