Finding it hard to ride that one-and-a-half wheeled sesquicycle you bought so optimistically immediately before the Great Depression?
Suffer no longer. nFinity Inc brings you the nFinity Easi-Ride SesquicycleTM! Challenging frontiers of time and space to bring you the ultimate in ease and convenience while sacrificing nothing in style and exclusivity!
Observe the perfect theory behind this fantastic invention. We took the standard sesquicycle (“sesqui” is the Latin prefix for 1½, rather like “bi” is for 2 and “tri” is for 3) with its one and a half wheels…
Much testing of this innovative device revealed a crucial flaw; namely the difficulty of sustaining the required momentum to successfully continue when the flat half of the wheel approaches. Motivated by the need to bring the sesquicycle to the masses without reducing the population’s average number of legs in the process, we split the back wheel in half – and then in quarters.
This maintained the correct number of wheels (namely 1½) but made it infinitely more ridable. Well, not quite infinitely. We knew that more could be done. So we let the number of segments, n, tend to infinity. (The diagram below shows an intermediate step with a large but finite value of n.)
This had some interesting consequences. Firstly the number of segments was infinite, so the wheel was whole. However, simultaneously the number of gaps between the segments was infinite, and of identical size, so the wheel was non-existent. The machine was simultaneously a unicycle and a full bicycle!
We can conclude, then, that the nFinity Sesquicycle has all the wow-factor of the unicycle but all of the ease of the bicycle. True, one has to warp time and space in the vicinity of the simultaneously-non-existing-and-fully-existing wheel, but that, we put to you, is a small price to pay.
What’s In The Box
- One nFinity Easi-Ride Sesquicycle complete with an nFinity WheelTM (handle with care)
- One nFinity Puncture Repair Kit containing infinitessemally small patches and special Temporal Applicator
- One bottle of nFinity Spacetime-Warp-Resistant Lubricant
- Our unique nFinity Infinite-Lifetime Warranty (you just try to destroy this thing)
Not In The Mood For A Sesquicycle?
The nFinity WheelTM is also available separately – why not replace your unicycle wheel, one of the wheels on your new BMW, or indeed your steering wheel, and feel the waves of infinite satisfaction in any situation. The nFinity Wheel also makes a superb lounge ornament, and provides an interesting conversation starter. Miniature nFinity Wheels are available as the ultimate executive desk toys!
Also available from nFinity:
- nReliant – the three-wheeler that drives like a car but handles like a motorbike!
- nJuggernaut – carry your heavy loads with a truck that simultaneously has 16 wheels and none at all!
- nSkates – the roller skates that never slip: simultaneously eight-wheelers and standard high quality shoes!
- nTeleporter – teleport yourself n times a second to multiple locations, let n tend to infinity, and achieve virtual omnipresence!
More exciting products to come. With nFinity Inc, the possibilities are, quite literally, infinite.
Customers Who Purchased From nFinity
“I thought this was all a load of nonsense but you wouldn’t believe the parking places we’ve gotten into after replacing all the wheels on our SUV with nFinity Wheels!” Mac, USA
“I am eternally grateful to your company for finally forcing our committee to approve the new circus tent since the old one blew up on the entry of two hundred temporally unstable nFinity unicyclists. Thanks a bunch, guys!” - Director, Alabama State Circus
“My postman’s round will never be the same again!” Eric, UK
“I bought a miniature one as a toy for my toddler and you should have seen his expression when he tried to eat it. It’s utterly fantastic and completely child-safe!” Anne, parent
“Erm, guys. I got annoyed with my nFinity unicycle and eventually in desperation chucked it in the direction of the window. I gasped as I realised it was shut and braced myself for the shattering glass. True enough, the glass shattered and flew everywhere, but the window remained intact and the wheel sat nonchalently in the garden outside. You want to make sure you know what you’re doing selling objects that simultaneously exist and fail to exist! By the way, though, I loved the way the terrace wall rippled like an effect from a dodgy B movie!” Bob, nuclear physicist, UK
“It did wonders for the neighbour’s geraniums.” Ed, Limpley Stoke
“Thanks to nFinity I have become the world’s first unicycling 147½ year old!” Stefan Oldheim, Germany
“An extremely worrying but nevertheless intriguing prospect” The Times
“Dearest Frank – I love you. Snuggles” We think this may have come to the wrong address…
Warning: Considerable time-space warping can occasionally occur with certain nFinity products. We do not recommend the nJuggernaut for the transportation of relativity-sensitive materials, especially since that rather unfortunate incident with the atomic clock.
Oh yes. Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES attempt to accelerate any nFinity Wheel or other nFinity product to the speed of light. That’s a suicidal enough thing to do with normal objects, and with nFinity products we dread to think what might happen.